I was out letting Ruby kill squirrels today. We are up to fifty three and a half (one was pretty badly wounded, but managed to scramble up a tree with just two and a half legs). For the sake of all that you consider Holy or funny, do not tell M. about this. She already suspects something is up because of the blood she keeps finding on Ruby's snout. I have her convinced that ruby has a secret stash of Strawberry Jelly; which I make all the more believable by hiding some jam that I put on her lips...
The world's penguin population is SPINNING IN CIRCLES so fast that they appear like black and white blurs as they scream again and again, "Oh, the shits with you!' Visitors to zoos across the world responded differently to the odd behavior on the part of the notoriously unruly aquatic waterfowl. At New York zoo, the cursing penguins were pelted with empty cans of coke and admonished to "put up some amusing antics, or get the hell out." Surprisingly enough, the normally unarmed penguins retu...
A big black lab followed my neighbor home. She went in her house and shut the door. I was letting my dog out and found him. It was very clear that he had several tags on his collar. I brought him inside to check him out and see if there was a number on one of the tags. He ran through the house and found the toilet. Why do big dogs like to drink out of the toilet? He was a mile from home down a very busy 45mph street so I called the owner and he said he'd be right over to pick him up...
"Heyyyy....there's no category for my kind!" "Harumph! Me sees one for Dogs, Cats - ewwwww, Reptiles...reptiles?!" [gulp!] "They like to eat pets like me don't they?"] [looks around fervently, swims back and forth] "Whew! I think we're ok girls and boys". The Molleys, the Guppies, and even the bottom feeder, the Algae Eater, looked relieved. But not the Catfish....he was too busy eating up the extras left behind. "Oh you guys are too weird..what are you worried about? We have a n...
*I'm going to give you a little background information before I get to the 'EEK' part of the story* Saturday morning I get up and find little smears of dried blood all over the hallway tiled floor. I wondered if one of the dawgs had cut their paws, but couldn't find any evidence of that when I examined them. The cat wasn't anywhere to be found, so I summised that she must have injured herself somehow and that's where the blood came from. We had a big hole in the screen of ou...
I'm leaving the little guy's name ambiguous. You could say I'm protecting the guilty. He's a little love bird. I got a call on Sunday. "Please come get this bird today." This from a woman who has been telling me for TWO years that her bird needs a new home. I've told her all along that I would take him. I wish I had been more forceful. Several months ago I got the same call, but when I went to the house this woman's son wouldn't let me take 'B'. He was holding it 'hostage' in t...
Hi, I’m Dynamaso’s cat. Now, before I tell you my name, I don’t want to hear any laughing, okay! I didn’t get to choose my own name but it is what it is and I won’t have it scoffed at, okay! My name is… Pumpkin. Hey, I asked you not to laugh. It’s not my fault. Maso is the one who chose the name. But I have grown to like it, over the years. I’ve been with Maso for over a decade now. I’ve been the one constant in the hectic life he’s led. I have to say he never once has let me dow...
Socrates is going to the vet this morning for his rabies shot and first booster. As my usual ride is tied up It will also be Socrates' first ride on my bike. That should be interesting. I'm sure he won't be a happy camper later on today.
Socrates is in one of those moods. He's in total insane play mode. He knows that I don't accept him biting me, even playing. He's been running around playing with his little orange dinosaur. He carried it up on the couch and has been flipping around all the the place fighting with it. Well, at one point he got a tad carried away and in the heat of battle he reached over and bit me on the arm while I was typing on the keyboard. It wasn't a gentle bite. It smarted. I was so surprised by i...
A lot has happened since I last wrote. First of all, my momma and The Big Guy got another dawg. They call her a boxer, but I've never seen her get into boxes like that cat does, so I really don't know why she's called that. I still hate that cat. But whatever. This new dawg is called Greasy....no, that's not right. Gracie. That's it. Gracie. She looks like her mother dropped her on her face because her nose is all smushed up and it causes her...
Today I purchased a new personal trimmer which is a fancy name for one of those gadgets one uses to trim the hair out of the nose and ears. The less hair I have on my head, the more I have in my ears. Who says God has no sense of humor? I installed a battery and tried out my new gadget. Socrates was quite fascinated with the new toy until I switched it on. The buzzing noise freaked him out and he couldn't put some distance bewteen the buzzing thing and himself quickly enough. He stayed a f...
While we were coming into the house after our long tour a fly managed to follow us in. Socrates is fascinated. While the fly was walking on the celing Socrates was trying to figure out some way to get at it. He tried jumping from the floor and realized there was no way he could get that high. He tried from my footstool and nearly made it casuing the fly to start buzzing around. That's when the real fun started. Socrates chased that fly from one end of the house to the other, using anything...
What a dog I have!! He's the type that you read about in Reader's Digest after being buried in someone's back yard. In this case it could be titled, "My Dog Quincy, A Dog You Hate to Love" Everyone should have at least one dog like this in their lifetime. If for no other reason, it gives you something to talk about. When he's not in trouble, he's the most loveable dog you'd ever met. He's loved by everyone who meets him. He's loaded with personality and he smiles when he gets in troub...